“New Crypto-Art! (Responses to the Times) [Warning: This One is a Bit Edgy]” by Richard F. Yates

[This piece was originally posted on my Steemit.com blog on 7 Aug. 2019. I post on Steemit EVERY DAY. No skipping. I haven’t missed a day in something like six or seven months…] [Editor’s note!! Steemit.com was purchased by a dictator, so I use HIVE now. It’s a decentralized blockchain controlled by the users!]

Howdy folks! Been doing my thing lately, seeing weirdo sights, working late nights, and pickin’ fights (mostly with myself…) Between the ups and down and ins and outs, I’ve managed to carve out a little time for ART! Thanks to the cool persons at MakersPlace, some of my art bits have been TOKENIZED on the Ethereum blockchain and can now be ogled and even collected by snazzy folks who like unique digital objects. (Did you catch all that?)

So I’ve got THREE new pieces this week, which I hope y’all will find amusing. Each of these suckaz is being released as a unique digital collectible in an edition of ONE. First come, first served. Once they’re gone, they’re GONE! If you’d like to take a gander at these pieces, or any of the dozens of other works that I’ve got up in my fancy virtual gallery, feel free to visity my MakersPlace store and see what’s happening! You can just look and laugh, or (if you click on the individual works) you can read MORE about each piece (as I usually write a little story to go along with each one), or if you have ETH (or a credit card) you can even walk away (or “click” away, since you’re only virtually visiting) as the proud owner of a unique work of crypto-art! (Imagine the BRAGGING RIGHTS!!! Confuse your friends! Amuse your enemies! Collect CRYPTO-ART!!! The ART of the FUTURE! (and the “RIGHT NOW,” actually…))

Anyway, here’s the new stuff, along with the explanatory text…

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“It’s Only Polite…”

BE LIKE US. It’s only polite. If we wear hats, you should wear a hat, too. BE LIKE US. It angers and confuses us if you’re different. It doesn’t make sense. Everyone knows WE are right. WE know what’s good. WE know what’s proper. BE LIKE US. It doesn’t matter if you’ve lived a different life than we have, grew up somewhere else, experienced different things, overcome different challenges, lived by different values. Those values are obviously WRONG if they’re not like OURS. BE LIKE US. And if you can’t be like us, if you won’t be like us, then you should leave.

[FUCKING BULLSHIT.]

[Sorry. I know this is a tender subject, but I don’t feel like I should be quiet and just let it go. I CAN’T just let it go. Bullshit must be called out.]

Don’t BE LIKE US. Be LIKE YOU. If you respect us, we’ll respect you, whoever you are. If you love us, we’ll love you back…. Unity. Acceptance. Working for mutual benefit. Fuck conformity. Fuck greed. Fuck hate. Fuck racism. Fuck homophobia. Fuck sexism. Fuck narcissism.

It’s only polite…

—Richard F. Yates (Holy Fool and Mad Hatter)

[P.S. – This bit is ink on reclaimed cardboard with digital embellishments and colors. 2019.]

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“Mr. Birdman Beast”

[A tiny drawing, ink on paper, photographed, blown-up, and digitally tweaked to give it that “dream-like” hazy quality. 2019.]

“Hey, Mr. Birdman Beast! How’s it hanging!” said Mr. Notpictured.

“Quite well. Thank you,” said Mr. Birdman Beast.

“You, uuhhh… You seem to be a bit slanted…” said Mr. Notpictured.

“Oh my, yes,” laughed Mr. Birdman Beast. “I gave up trying to live a rigid, ‘straight’ existence many, many years ago. It was much better for my mental health, AND I stopped murdering humans since I’d become so much more comfortable with myself…”

“Not murdering is pretty good, but by ‘straight’ are you talking about sexual identity or…?” Mr. Notpictured didn’t mean to be insensitive—he just wanted some clarity. Some understanding.

“No, no… I’ve always been comfortable being OUT. That’s not what I mean. It’s more of a philosophical position. When you come at the world from the expected angle—when you can only see things from the typical perspective—you lose the ability to be flexible in a psychological sense. I’ve decided that, just because most people walk down the street with their feet directly in contact with the sidewalk, this doesn’t mean it’s the ONLY way to walk down the street. I feel more like I should be proceeding in my journey at a 23 degree angle. The whole UNIVERSE looks different, just from the slant! I can always shift back to the standard perspective by rotating, or I can float completely upside down… Being a cartoon, I’m not bound by standard physical laws. Do you see?”

Mr. Notpictured nodded thoughtfully and furrowed his brow—but he didn’t get it. When he was in a drawing, his feet were ALWAYS right on the ground. Wasn’t that how a cartoon was supposed to be drawn?

“Well, I can see I’ve upset you,” Mr. Birdman Beast said and tried to pat Mr. Notpictured on the shoulder, but his arms were drawn far too low on his body, so he couldn’t reach that high, and patted Mr. Notpictured’s elbow instead. “I’m sorry. If it helps, you can just think of me as crazy.”

“Ah!” Mr. Notpictured brightened. “That does help! Thanks!”

“No problem,” Mr. Birdman Beast said. “I’d best be off. I have a long float ahead of me before I make it back to my tree house.”

“Of course,” Mr. Notpictured said. “Thanks for the chat! Have a good evening…”

And as the two figures drifted off the page, the Moon shook his weary head and mumbled to himself, “Assholes…”

—Richard F. Yates
(Primitive Thoughtician and Holy Fool)

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“Tourist”

Tripty-248 thought he’d visit that little blue world he’d read about in ODDITIES OF THE GALAXY MAGAZINE. He’d been to that blazing hot methane world, and the world were rocks had developed intelligence and became the dominant species on the planet, and he’d even tried Comet Skiing (that ONE time when he was really drunk… The leg DID eventually grow back, so don’t worry… And now he has a cool scar!)

I mean how bad could a little planet covered mostly by hydrogen dioxide be?

After a mere two hours (Earth time), Tripty-248 had signaled for an emergency evac beam. His therapist believes he’ll be out of the ward in about a year, and he might even be able to fully reintegrate with society within a century. In the meantime, Tripty sits in his room writing Doom Poems about what he saw on that one little blue planet, which his doctors SAY they are publishing for him—but they are actually archiving his poems under heavy ENCRYPTION against anyone accidentally reading his work, except those creatures who have been thoroughly trained in trauma liaison methods, for fear that the terrors Tripty is recounting may cause OTHER sentient creatures to lapse into severe depression or outright panic.

If Tripty-248 knew that the creatures on that little blue planet were, at this very moment, preparing several different extra-planetary exploration missions, and might SOME DAY even reach beyond their own solar system, he’d probably die from the shock. Measures to build a hyperloop-space-curvature-shield around that horrifying system, which will keep the residents trapped inside, are currently underway…

After his release, Tripty has vowed to stick to Comet Skiing, which he believes is far less dangerous than spending even a few moments with the horrifying creatures of Sol-3… Get well soon, Tripty-248. Get well soon…

—Richard F. Yates (Holy Python and Member of the Outer Space Tourist Advisory Board, A.A.C.)

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And that’s IT for now… I’m hoping to have a new book review in the next day or two, and I’ve still got a slug of drawings that I haven’t shared (and WON’T be sharing until I’ve written some kind of text to go with them!) Thanks again to MakersPlace for being awesome. If you haven’t checked out all the cool art they’ve helped to make possible, go visit their site and see what you’ve been missing!

Thanks for stopping by! And KEEP ON TRUCKIN’!!!

—Richard F. Yates
(Primitive Thoughtician and Holy Fool)

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Published by richardfyates

Compulsive creator of the bizarre and absurd. (Artist, writer, poet, provocateur...)

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